Sunday, May 26, 2013

Prologue: We Be Goblins, Part I

As I mentioned in a recent Behind the Screen, the reasons I chose to run the We Be Goblins prologue for Jade Regent were:
  1. My players are relatively new to Pathfinder (some are new to RPGs in general)
  2. I'm using several optional rules (Wounds and Vitality, Armor as DR, etc)
  3. Aside from the rules, I wanted to give the players the opportunity to roleplay the group of silly, extreme goblins without worrying about playing their own characters 'right'.
The game worked out better than I could possibly have imagined. Absolutely hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard at a game in years. Here are a few highlights.


John P: Poog, cleric of Zarongel, the goblin god of dog-killing, pyromania and riding stuff. Goblin Trait: Goblin Bravery
Victor D: Reeta, fighter with a great, huge head, who wears a torn, dirty wedding dress. Goblin Trait: Balloon Headed
Lauren P: Mogmurch, mad alchemist bomber who likes to throw stuff. Goblin Trait: Bouncy
Mitch S: Chuffy, repulsive and sadistic rogue. Goblin Trait: Pustular

Highlights: Goblin Games

Before going on their quest, Chief Gutwad holds a party where the PCs attempt a series of goblin dares.
  • Players read their goblin's poem out loud using silly voices and set the mood for the rest of the game.
  • Dance with Squeely Nord: Poog bravely steps up to ride the "vicious" piglet. He isn't very good at the most holy skill of mounted combat and takes it personally when people point it out--he is, however, very good at burning things. A goblin heckler mocks Poog's riding skill so Poog casually firebolts him.
    • To everyone's shock, Poog wins the dare! The heckler kisses Poog's feet, begging for Zarongel's blessing, so Poog catches him on fire again. The goblin thanks him. Reward: Elixer of Dragon Breath
  • Reeta squeals out that one of the dares should be for someone to marry her. The crowd yells, "NO!"
  • Hide and Hit: Reeta volunteers to play the goblin's version of hide and seak. She rolls a 23 on her Stealth check. Since the goblins have a -1 Perception, there's no way they will find her. The group decides that she's lain sexily on a tree stump in an open clearing, but none of the goblins want to find her! Reward: Ring of Climbing
  • Chuffy fails to Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick, but succeeds in navigating the Rusty Earbiter! Reward: Robe of Useful Items.
    • His prowess gets Reeta's attention (along with the fact that he's as repulsive as she is and she might have a shot).
    • Chuffy immediately pulls the Broken Comb patch from the robe and gives it to Reeta.
    • Reeta pulls out her ring of climbing, puts it on her own finger and says "I DOOOO!"
    • Their marriage is blessed by Poog, to the palpable relief of the entire village.
      • The happy (and desperate) couple gain a +1 attack bonus against targets that are threatening their sweetie.
Highlights: Over the River and Through the Woods

The giant spider Lotslegs-Eats-Goblin-Babies-Much ambushes the group near the river.
  • Mogmurch misses with his first bomb, nearly blowing up Poog.
  • Reeta jumps on Lotslegs (passing Acrobatics and Ride checks), allowing everyone flanking bonuses.
  • After missing over and over again with spell and blade, Poog bites Lotslegs in the face...and hits!
  • After Lotslegs runs, Mogmurch climbs a tree to keep an eye on her.
    • He finds a hornet's nest.
    • He nearly hits Poog again.
Highlights: Penned In

Chuffy and Reeta jump the fence surrounding the landlocked ship, with Poog and Mogmurch "trapped" outside when the wild horse Stomp comes around the corner.
  • Terrified of horses, Poog attempts a Diplomacy check using speak with animals, and rolls a natural 20! Confused at the bafflingly hilarious statements coming out of Poog/John's mouth, Stomp loses his action instead of charging.
  • Poog attempts to explain an elaborate plan involving the party climbing back out of the pen and hiding in the woods to kill the horse from range. Since he still has speak with animals active no one understands his whinnying and stomping.
    • Reeta gets bored and shoots Stomp.
  • Chuffy runs up the gangplank, triggering the wasp nest trap that falls on Reeta's head, ending the honeymoon phase of their whirlwind marriage.
  • Chuffy uses his potion of jumping to leap from the boat onto Stomp. After fighting off the cloud of wasps, Reeta succeeds at another Acrobatics/Ride combo.
  • Stomp throws the couple to the ground after taking significant damage.
  • Not wanting to waste bombs, Mogmurch throws a mud-clod at Stomp's head, rolling a natural 19! Stomp is blinded for 1 round, allowing Chuffy and Reeta to finish the job and repair their shattered marriage!
    • Reeta pours a healing potion into her mouth and gargles to Chuffy, "come and get it!" 
      • Chuffy fails his Fortitude check, twice, and throws up.


  1. J & I read your post aloud and could not stop hearing Rita say "What aaaaare you doooooing?!" at our shenanigans. Playing tomorrow; can't wait.


  2. It was a good time for sure. Can't wait to read your highlights from this week.