Monday, June 3, 2013

Prologue: We Be Goblins, Part II

The Final Battle

After defeating Vorka's "guard horse", Stomp, Reeta smells dogs on the ship.
  • Full of righteous rage (and foolishness), Poog charges up the gangplank to find two guard dogs on chains.
    • The closest dog sinks its teeth into Poog while Poog catches the dog on fire.
      • This will be the extent of Poog's righteous rage.
  • Reeta shoots at the second dog with her shiny new crossbow and rolls a Natural 20, followed by another Nat 20 crit confirmation! Victor draws two cards from the Critical Hit deck. A Punctured Lung, huge damage from her Dog-Sniff-Hate feat, and some other brutality from the crit deck later, the second dog is down.
  • Cuddles, Vorka's monstrous pet hound, charges from below decks and tears a hole in Poog.
  • Vorka and her animal companion, the giant frog Lord Longtung (LLT) are quick to follow.
    • Vorka lights up Poog with Produce Flame.
    • Poog begins to doubt Zarongel's love for him
  • Chuffy closes with Vorka and lands a nasty blow.
    • Vorka cackles about how Chuffy's pustulant face will add just the right spice to her dish of roasted goblin!
  • Vorka attacks Reeta with Produce Flame and rolls a 1! Victor draws from the Critical Fumble deck. The attack does no damage, but Reeta is turned invisible for 4 rounds.
    • Chuffy goes insane thinking Reeta's been disintegrated.
      • Gains an additional +1 to hit against Vorka until Reeta reappears.
    • Reeta joins Chuffy and attacks Vorka, driving the witch off her hubby.
    • Vorka summons a swarm of spiders and freaks Mitch out more than his character.

Vorka and Cuddles

  • Poog is snagged by Lord Longtung's...well, tongue, and is pulled across the ship.
  • Mogmurch buffs himself with a mutagen and attacks Cuddles.
    • Mogmurch's masculinity draws Reeta's feminine attention.
  • Poog spends several rounds failing to pierce the giant frog's hide with magic at point blank range.
    • Zarongel still not much with the helping.
  • Mogmurch manages to damage the vicious Cuddles.
    • Reeta grabs Mog's butt before burying several bolts into Cuddles.
    • I jokingly grant the cuckolded Chuffy a +1 bonus to attack Mogmurch.
  • Chuffy closes on the battle and successfully attacks Mogmurch.
    • Twice!
  • After realizing Mogmurch could pound him into dust with his bare hands, Chuffy turns his attention to LLT and severs the giant frog's tongue with a Nat 19, freeing Poog.
    • Reeta is aswoon with Chuffy's jealousy and heroism, forgetting about Mog.
  • Poog attempts to calm LLT by using speak with animals and showing how much he loves frogs by pulling his lucky frog out of his pocket. Since Poog has a lucky frog and a squished former-lucky frog, John decides to roll randomly for which one Poog grabs.
    • He rolls the live frog!
    • ...but rolls a 1 on his Diplomacy check and discovers his formerly live lucky frog has become squished lucky frog #2.
    • LLT attacks Mog in his rage.
  • Having learned he's more threat to his friends than enemies when throwing stuff, Mogmurch decides to hand-deliver a vial of alchemist's acid to LLT's face! Mog takes 1pt of acid damage while delivering a devastating punch/acid bath combo that bypasses the frog's DR and blinds one eye.
    • Another acid-punch pushes LLT into bloodied, and the frog abandons ship.
  • After dealing quite a bit of damage to Vorka, Chuffy pulls the manacles from his Robe of Useful Items and tries to grapple the witch.
    • Chuffy finds that Vorka is use to playing with her food and gets shackled instead.
  • Still bleeding from Chuffy's enraged attacks, Mogmurch finds he doesn't care that much about Chuffy's well being and throws his last bomb at Vorka, managing his first hit! Vorka, now bloodied, tries to escape our 'heroes' by jumping ship.
    • Poog, Mog and Reeta all throw javelins and fire crossbows together, taking the witch down.
    • Chuffy escapes his bonds and slaps the cuffs on her.

The group finds a hold full of fireworks, Vorka's horde of magical items, and a captured goblin below decks. Having rid the Brinestump Swamp of both Lots-Legs-Eats-Goblin-Babies-Much and the cannibal Vorka, the party returns to the Licktoad Village heroes!

Heroes of their own villainous story.

Fade to black...

Next--The Brinewall Legacy begins


  1. Yeah, Poog was not feeling aglow with Zarongel's love that night... but it was pretty freaking funny! (Also, my fav moment of the goblin session was Chuffy attacking Mogmurch. Although I don't think Lauren thought it was nearly as funny as I did.)

    1. He was blessed by Zarongel's cleansing flame, even if it was delivered by Vorka.

  2. This is like reading a mash-up of the role-playing games D&D and Toon! LOL.

    1. Then I'm calling that a success! :-D

      Toon. Holy crap. I forgot about that game.

  3. I've grown to love the goblin's I hate to think we might fight them tomorro night. :-(

    1. Sorry. I have a plan for playing the sequel though, so don't despair!

  4. "Damn you Chuffy!" ::shakes.fist.:: All joking aside, I've never had a party member be free to attack me before. For one thing, I didn't know such a thing could literally be done, but also.. the repercussion and consequence! I remember getting sucked into feeling Mogmurch's annoyance in that he had not only been attacked by a big-bad, but also by one of his so-called "kin". I learned something that night... you just can't trust Goblins.

    1. Unless I have a couple of excellent players who are skilled at separating "Player" from "Character", I actively discourage in-party combats. Having said that, you guys are great roleplayers! I kinda pulled the pin on this one by jokingly giving Chuffy a +1 to hit Mog. The moment begged for it. Mitch handled it well by only attacking twice then reorienting to the bad guys so the night wasn't a TPK. I loved how Reeta's affections switched back to Chuffy after he got all jealous and violent over her. Victor has the soul of a bubble-headed little goblin in him.

      I'm LOL'ing right now.